By Jake Corbin
When it comes to your average graduate school applicant, “hooker” is not something you would expect to read in the experience section of their resume.
Natalie Dylan may soon change that.
Dylan, a pseudonym for the 22-year-old alleged Sacramento State graduate [ * ], announced the open auction of her virginity on the Howard Stern show Sept. 9. Not only will the top bidder get to unwrap her package for the first time, but they may also be able to send her through grad school with the money she “earns.”
Now, let’s not even get started on how many moral standards are being crushed—much like the dreams Dylan’s mom and dad had of being good parents—in the process of this young woman “capitalizing” on her virginity.
That would be too easy.
Instead, let’s talk about a part of the story nobody else is: The real victims suffering at the hands of this flash in the pan floozy.
The Bidders
Bidding has reached up to $250,000, according to CBS13 in Sacramento. Talk about a bad investment.
This isn’t brain surgery here—virgins do not know what they are doing in bed. Why in God’s name would you pay so much money for a sexual experience that will ultimately disappoint?
The Nevada brothel hosting the “event,” Dennis Hof’s Bunny Ranch, employs a bevy of experienced beauties that are just as willing to give up the goods, but at a fraction of the cost.
In fact, it wasn’t long ago the Bunny Ranch was offering a two-for-one deal, according to Nerve.com. The first 100 customers who showed up with their $600 stimulus check got the “George Bush” special – three girls and a bottle of champagne.
Sounds like someone is getting ripped off—buyer beware!
The Graduate School
Dylan graduated from Sac State with a bachelor’s degree in Women’s Studies, according to several media outlets.
Ironic? Just a little bit.
Making matters worse, she wants to use the money she gets from her harlotry to pay for graduate studies in marriage and family therapy, according to the State Hornet.
Come on, really?
Imagine the scene when a couple, rife with relationship issues, discovers their marriage counselor—the one giving them advice!—sold her virginity away to a complete stranger in conjunction with a Nevada whorehouse.
Not the confidence builder they were looking for.
At this point, any college that accepts her application for grad school, especially a program as sensitive as marriage and family therapy, runs the risk of becoming a laughingstock among its educational peers.
Dylan’s Family
It seems as if “hookin’ it” runs in the family: The State Hornet reports Dylan’s sister, Avia, worked for three weeks at the Bunny Ranch two years ago.
After living through the horror of one daughter’s choice to turn tricks, Dylan’s parents must have been happy at least one of their little girls was leading a normal life.
POOF. That’s all gone now.
Dylan said in an interview with the Insider that her mom is a “conservative fourth grade teacher” who “is not going to give her full approval.” You think? Conservative or not, what parent has ever been proud of their child’s choice to knowingly enter the world of prostitution?
Needless to say, I don’t think Dylan’s mother will be sharing any of this during the next class show-and-tell.
FAIL
Most women would like to forget their first sexual experience, but Natalie Dylan will forever be one Google search away from her controversial past.
As some would say: Decision FAIL.
School is an important investment—and an expensive one, at that—but where does a person draw the line?
Drastic situations can call for drastic measures, but becoming a hooker does not usually fall into the category. For most, prostitution is not only crossing the line, but completely out of bounds.
[ * ] There has been no proof offered that Natalie Dylan actually graduated from Sacramento State. Many fingers remain crossed, hoping it isn’t true.
4 comments:
To answer why people are paying so much for a "sexual experience that will ultimately disappoint," I refer you to my blog. Specifically, the paragraph just above the picture of the pirate:
http://wonderorium.blogspot.com/
After-all, if you're paying that much, you should be able to try some things that you're not really interested in, but are damn funny.
I pretty much said the exact same thing in my blog, you worded it a little better, nice work with everything.
Good points and I like the organization and how you touched on all the subjects
thanks for the shoutout so discreetly disguised as a fail....although maybe it should be life FAIL.
otherwise great job, as always. like eric said, the two of you touched on similar points, but you avoided making it read the same. also, i like how you are able to touch briefly on various points but still make convincing arguments for them. sometimes writers don't realize that less wording actually says more.
The writer nailed this one on the head with organization, clever language and by raising excellent points.
And those short sentences.
Love 'em.
The writer also keeps a skeptical tone throughout about how real this whole surreal episode is.
And these three grafs were very well executed:
"It seems as if “hookin’ it” runs in the family: The State Hornet reports Dylan’s sister, Avia, worked for three weeks at the Bunny Ranch two years ago.
After living through the horror of one daughter’s choice to turn tricks, Dylan’s parents must have been happy at least one of their little girls was leading a normal life.
POOF. That’s all gone now."
Good column, reads quickly.
Nice job.
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